I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
