guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
