The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
