Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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