i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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