you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
