I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
