I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
nutella sex= disaster
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
