did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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