do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
