he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
