Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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