She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
