Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
