Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
