apparently the secret to your success is patron
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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