I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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