i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
