Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize