1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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