i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
