I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
