so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
