Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
