my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
