You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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