the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
