made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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