omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
