i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
