Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
