i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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