your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
