Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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