My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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