i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
