Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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