If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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