You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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