Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
