Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
