u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
