i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
