I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
