By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
