I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize