Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Text me some of your sweat
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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