So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
