You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize