I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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