I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
