You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
