You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
