yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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