theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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