i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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