My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
