Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
