I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
