Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize