ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
