I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
