i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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