We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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