you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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