And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
