The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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