the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
