Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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