Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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