theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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