im about as happy as oj after his trial
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
its liver damage thursday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
