i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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