I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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