you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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