He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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