also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
