He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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