According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His nipple licking is glorious
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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