Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
