and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
